Driving Through Town
I’m very fortunate not to have severe anxiety but I do suffer with a bit of it while in vehicles. I used to be fine but over the years it has gotten worse especially after the experiences I had so I’ll talk you through them to maybe give you an understanding why I developed the anxiety.
I’m not sure if I’ve shared this before online but I’ve been in several car accidents the past few years. They were minor but they still shake me up and I panic. The car I own has been hit by so many vehicles like a van, bus and cement truck. Fortunately I was never driving in any of the accidents I’ve had here. Each time it happens I freak out. I haven’t got hurt in any but my car has been pretty damaged from it. Good thing all of the accidents weren’t my fault so the other party’s insurance pays to get my car fixed but every time it is an inconvenience when my car goes to the shop to get fixed.
The last one with the cement truck I immediately burst in to tears as it was not my day and then that happened. The police thought I was badly injured from the way I ugly cried in the car. That has happened to me twice. Once when I was little when someone hit my mom’s car when we were still living in the US but it was justifiable back then as I was young and it was my first time to go through that. The cement truck was a bit unreasonable for me to have a reaction like that but with the anxiety I developed I think that was a fair reaction.
The Start Of It
Manila has some bad traffic. It is terrible and you can be stuck in it for hours. That’s not the worse part for me. It’s actually how close people drive next to each other and how narrow the roads are here. I feel like I’m getting closed in between the vehicles. I don’t have claustrophobia but I think the vehicles here caused me to develop it. It actually happens in any vehicle I have been in.
I can list so many things that happened where a car comes over and everything closes up. I feel like I close up. At first it was small. i would get shaken up but forget. Then it started happening more and more and soon I wasn’t able to control how I felt in the car especially with other cars being so close to mine. It was a build up and then it finally hit me and now it just really gives me a pit in my stomach. I feel uneasy and I somehow became scared of being in vehicles and have a panic when others get close to mine.
The Worst Feeling
I still remember one time we were in the middle of Manila and there was a massive container van truck on my right side and a bus on the other side and all of a sudden both of them started coming over at us at the same time. My dad is driving our car and the size difference between our car and the truck and bus is obviously massive. I could feel them getting closer and I felt like my world was getting smaller. My dad’s been driving for years so he had experience and luckily both the drivers realized we were down there in between them and managed to swerve away from us last minute. It still didn’t stop me from having my first panic attack. I never experienced something that bad before. My lungs felt heavy like I couldn’t breathe. My hands were shaking. I was crying and just couldn’t get a hold of myself. I felt so small and like I wasn’t going to survive. It was horrible and whenever that happens I still freak out and it makes me not want to go anywhere. It was a feeling I don’t think I will ever forget and don’t like feeling.
With all these experiences I’ve had it gave me a minor case of anxiety. I say minor because I can push through it. It affects my mental health a lot though. This is one of the cases that just gets me going and I’m afraid of. I sometimes get depressed that I can’t go out because I’m afraid to go out to the city with all the cars especially the trucks and buses. I heard that there is Innovative Therapy out there to help though.
If you need it then it is out there. I’m not at that stage but I do have my days where the anxiety gets worse. Some days I don’t think about it and can be driven to the mall. I keep myself distracted that I don’t even realize we are there. Then there are some days where they hit the breaks because of another car and it will send me into a panic. It depends and I feel really vulnerable sharing that with you but maybe someone else gets that feeling too. Please share if you have any experience like mine as well.
I still drive and learned to drive despite my anxiety. Actually I don’t have a fear of driving which is weird. I feel in control and can drive without having that feeling. However when I’m the passenger I feel like everything is getting close to me and I can’t steer it out of the way to be away from the other vehicles on the rode. I don’t drive as much and have others drive for me but recently things have come up and something pushed me to practice and drive more. I’ve had my licence since I was 18 and learnt to drive back then but i get out of the habit since I have others do it for me.
After this shoot I actually drove the car which I hardly do. I even parked it which I’m not that great at it but getting better. I like the feeling of driving and it is pretty relaxing but being a passenger and having that worry that I can get into an accident with how bad others drive here. It’s an on going debate and it gets my mental health a bit of stress whenever I go out. I work through it myself but if I needed it I would get some help.
For my outfit, I went with another casual look. I paired my tee with my some black skinny jeans. For the accessories, I went with my pink chevron bag and I brought it out again and have been using it more. Then I went with a matching bow and pink statement earrings. Last is the pink mirror sunglasses I seem to be liking and wearing with a lot of my everyday outfits.